Feeling lost-Needing to vent

[LucindaC]

Hello. I am never sure where to begin or to end.

I have had ulcerative colitus for seventeen years. In 2008, no med would control the "episodes". Finally, May 2009, met with the referred surgeon and scheduled the colon removal surgery and j-pouch install, June 22. I was angry, scared and sad. After the surgery, I woke to a tempory iliostomy pouch. I was brave and researched and visited with others that had had the procedure. I had issues, skin iritation and blockages. I had to be irrigated three times and hospitalized once. On the third blockage, I was admitted into the hospital again (Aug 18) and hooked up to a stomach pump, YUK...
My surgeon decided to have me iodine x-rayed to check the j-pouch to see if it had healed enough for my reversal. He decided that it was and performed the reversal surgery Aug 19. I was in pre-op at 6 pm and in post-op at 8 pm. Unbelievable...He sent me home on Aug 22 with pain meds and advised me to take imodium for the anticipated loose stools. Oh boy! It was so bad that at one point I only weighed 99 pounds. (scary) I soon started to keep some food longer and began to gain some weight. To date I am still only 106 pound. I had an appointment with the surgeon yesterday and he looked at my incesion, which I had been having some seepage problems with and said that it would be all good by next Tuesday and they would remove the staples.

New fear, and I did tell the surgeon, no response. Told me to use desitine. When I had UC, I got to the point were I always felt the urge to have a BM even though I knew I did not need to (swollen bum and hemoroids). In the past few days, I have felt that same old familiar urge. Now understanding that the surgeon did leave a bit of rectum to attach the j-pouch to, and knowing that that is where my ulcers were, I am now afraid that I have the ulcers again.

I know it has only been two weeks since the reversal, but I am sure getting sad and afraid that I will end up with a third surgery to re-install the iliostomy perminately. Sure I can manage, but I sure would happier without it.

Here I sit in Newcastle, OK probably needing to find a support group so I will stop having my own little pity parties. Maybe like AA but for folks like you and I. I will look into that very soon. Thanks for the soap box!

LucindaC