Chasing My Dream

Shaz's Note: Mark regularly posts on the Ostomy Message Board under the nickname of 'Muscleman". If you have any questions regarding this article, I'm sure he'd be only too happy to answer them if you post your question on the board.

This is the UNEDITED version of my article that was published in the Ostomy Quarterly Summer 2004 Issue, Vol. 41 No. 4. 
Visit www.uoa.org for more information about the magazine.
 

Mark's Story - Page 2 

Dreams are wonderful things – I mean, those dreams that we aspire to achieve. Quite often, the things that keep us from realizing our dreams are our own insecurities. This is an account of how I overcame my own insecurity, and took at shot at the stars.

In 1995, after suffering with Ulcerative Colitis for about 5 months, I underwent Emergency Life-saving Ileostomy surgery. It was an unusually short period of time from first signs to perforated colon. In June of 1995 I was starting to experience softer, and more frequent bowel movements, and by September I couldn’t get out of bed. After a week in the hospital, still going downhill, a surgeon was brought in to look at me. He performed a scope, found a perforation, woke me up & took me directly to the operating room. At this point I still did not know what an Ileostomy is. I learned all about that over the next few weeks – after I already had one. I was 31 years old.

I had always been in pretty good shape. I began working out at a local gym around 1990, and enjoyed staying fit and healthy. Obviously, after my surgery, I had to take about three months off to heal. I missed going to the gym. When working out and doing cardiovascular exercise, your body releases endorphins, which actually make you feel better. The gym is also a social outlet for me. One year after my first surgery, my surgeon determined that the rectum & anus that he had left intact, hoping to be able to do a re-connect surgery, had not healed. They would have to be removed. Another surgery, another few months away from the gym. This time, I was healthy at the time of surgery, so I felt better a lot quicker. I was anxious to get back to the gym, and I went back too early. My abdominal wall had not healed completely when I resumed my workouts. Very slowly, over the next year, I developed an incisional hernia. My muscle wall began to separate where it had been cut open twice. So, again, a year later, I had my third surgery. My surgeon determined that the entire length of the incision was weak, so he opened me back up again & sewed a big piece of plastic mesh inside my abdominal wall. Another three months away from the gym, but I was pretty confident that this would be the last time.

This time I made certain that I did not exercise for a full three months. It is somewhat amazing that you really can’t do any exercise without at least tensing your abdominal muscles. I had been frustrated by these surgeries for three years, and I was more than ready to get back into a serious workout routine. I knew now that I must be completely healed before starting. Slowly and deliberately, I began a new workout. Light weights at first, to get the muscles used to the movements again. Very cautiously, I began to try abdominal exercises. I listened very closely to what my body was telling me. I learned to look for early signs of stress. I learned the difference between “good pain” – the feeling you get in the muscle when it has been worked properly; and “bad pain” - the slightest twinge of pain at an incision. In fact, I tried not to wait for pain at my incision. I discovered that I would feel tightness, and then stretching, and then pain, and I would try to back off before it came to pain. Gradually, I was able to increase repetitions and weight. After about three months, I was back to a relatively normal workout.

I maintained this “fitness” oriented workout for 6 months or so, gradually losing the excess fat built up while recovering from surgery. Then I began to wonder if I could take it further. I discovered that my abdominal wall, which was now reinforced with plastic mesh, was much stronger than it had been, even before my first surgery! I discovered that squats and leg presses, two exercises that stress the abdominals the most, didn’t bother me at all! I found I could do abdominal crunches with weights that I could never do before. This encouraged me to push harder, all the while paying close attention to my body’s reactions & signals. If ever I experienced the tightness & sensation of stretching my scar, I would back off, go light for a couple days, and then try it again.
 

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