Chasing My Dream

Apparently, the hospital that was making my arrangements had never come up against my HMO before, because after six months of trying, they were unable to convince them to allow me to have this procedure. I tried for another six months, on my own, to appeal their decision – with no luck. Still convinced that I could never compete as long as I had to wear a bag, I set aside my dream yet again.

Then, as always, time marched on. My fortieth birthday was nearing. I had been reading a few books written by Bob Paris, a bodybuilder whom I admire. Thoughts of competing were again finding their way into my mind. There are a few similarities between my life and Bob’s. Obviously, bodybuilding, but also, I had always admired his perfect symmetry. Something I also tried to achieve – to develop all of my muscle groups to create a balanced, harmonious whole. But more than this, the fact that we both are gay, drew me to his writings. Because of the situation I had been dealing with for so long, I began to see parallels between coping with the shame society dumps on homosexuals – and the shame society dumps on ostomates. I had come to terms with my homosexuality – “come out”, so to speak - long ago, but when it came to my ostomy, I was still, very definitely, “in the closet”. 

I am very open about my homosexuality. I have been “out on my own” since I was seventeen – largely because I am gay and had no desire to play the game of pretending to be straight. Since then I have taken the attitude that: “If you can’t accept me for who I am, then I don’t need you in my life.” I have found, over the years, that most people are pretty accepting, or they just don’t care. Only a few have reacted negatively, and looking back, they’re not very nice people, so who needs them? It occurred to me that if people can accept me for who I am on that level, why wouldn’t they do the same when it comes to an ostomy? 

Reading Bob Paris’ books really fired my desire to compete again, and I finally made a decision – shortly after my fortieth birthday – to take a shot at the Mr. Buffalo contest… with the bag. We’re lucky, here in Buffalo, New York, to have two previous Mr. America winners. They happen to be father & son, and they run the Mr. Buffalo contest every year in April. I spoke with Joe Lazarro Jr. (the younger Mr. America) to see what he thought about me competing with an ostomy. He was very supportive, and encouraged me to give it a try. My birthday had been in November, so I had less than five months to prepare. By a strange twist of fate, in a matter of weeks, I met five previous Mr. Buffalo title holders, and all of them offered to help with my training. I saw this as a sign that I was doing the right thing. 

Hit Counter